


Spider-Man & Deadpool: Number One Fan

by d0d0bird



Series: Marvel: Tales to Tantalize! [44]
Category: Deadpool - All Media Types, Spider-Man - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Angst and Humor, Blow Jobs, Bondage, Comfort, Comfort/Angst, Electrocution, Electrotorture, Embarrassed Peter Parker, Humiliation, Humor, Hurt/Comfort, Insecure Wade Wilson, Kidnapping, Light Angst, M/M, Non-Consensual Bondage, Non-Sexual Bondage, Nudity, Pansexual Peter Parker, Pansexual Wade Wilson, Peter Parker has PTSD, Peter Parker is a Damsel in Distress, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Protective Peter Parker, Protective Wade Wilson, Public Humiliation, Ridicule, Sex, Situational Humiliation, Suspension, Verbal Abuse, Verbal Humiliation, collared, male nudity, wade wilson's sense of humor, wedgie, wedgies
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-04
Updated: 2020-10-04
Packaged: 2021-03-07 18:01:48
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,022
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26821855
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/d0d0bird/pseuds/d0d0bird
Summary: Peter Parker’s secret identity is discovered by the one and only Wade Wilson, putting Peter in a difficult position with the mercenary. When it turns out Wade is actually an enormous fan of Spider-Man’s, the two join forces and end up in a predicament that makes Wade’s true feelings all too apparent.
Relationships: Peter Parker/Wade Wilson
Series: Marvel: Tales to Tantalize! [44]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1507763
Comments: 8
Kudos: 110





	Spider-Man & Deadpool: Number One Fan

Peter carefully readjusted his grip on the tray in his hands. Atop the cooking tray was a precariously stacked series of bowls and plates, which Peter had just all washed in his dorm’s lounge and was now bringing back to his room. He had a superhuman sense of balance, meaning he could carry all of them at once with minimal risk. He made his way to his dorm room, readjusted his grip again, opened the door, and carefully walked in.

Peter dropped the tray on the floor, shattering all the plates and bowls. Standing in the middle of the room was his roommate Jack Hammer, better known by his nickname Weasel, smugly smiling as he proudly held the mask to the Spider-Man costume in his hand. Peter quickly shut the door and turned to face Weasel.

“Don’t bother webbing me up or anything!” said Weasel, “I’ve already called for backup!”

“Backup?” asked Peter in confusion, “Weasel, let’s just talk about this.”

“There’s no need for talk, Peter!” responded Weasel, “I understand perfectly well. My roommate is Spider-Man.”

“What do you want from me?”

“Hm,” mused Weasel, “I wonder how much Spider-Man’s secret identity would sell for…”

“You wouldn’t.”

“You’re free to outbid them,” said Weasel, “What do you say we start at… $100,000?”

“Come on, Weasel,” said Peter, “Do you really want to do this? Do you really want to be the guy extorting Spider-Man?”

“I didn’t get my nickname for nothing.”

“...didn’t you say you had called backup?”

“Yeah…” said Weasel nervously, “Honestly, I thought he’d be here by now.”

“He?”

A bright red flash illuminated the room, causing Peter to shield his eyes. When he looked again, a tall muscular man in a red spandex suit with about a dozen different weapons strapped to his body. The weapons ranged from handguns to katanas. He also wore some sort of harness around his body, the lights on which glowed the same red as the flash that had teleported him in.

“Weasel!” he shouted in a scratchy voice, “What is it!? I was _this_ close to catching that mangy-”

Weasel held up the Spider-Man mask, stunning the man into silence. Weasel then pointed to Peter, who the man turned around and stared at. Even though the man was wearing a mask, Peter could pretty clearly make out his facial expressions from the distinct eyes of the mask, which were tight enough that they moved with the man’s real eyes. Right now Peter could tell he was shocked, not angry or sadistically happy like Peter was expecting.

“Oh my God,” whispered the man, “Are you… really him?”

“Um…” said Peter nervously.

“It’s him, alright!” added Weasel, “Peter Parker. We have his identity now, Wade! We can extort him for-”

“Extort!?” cried the man in red angrily, turning back to Weasel, “You tried to _extort_ Spider-Man!?!”

“I thought you’d-”

“No!” shouted the man in red, hitting Weasel in the head with repeated open hand slaps, “What. Is. Wrong. With. You!?! Where are your manners? Your sense of decency? This is Spider-Man we’re talking about here! Spider-Man!!”

“Um…” said Peter again, very confused.

“I’m so sorry about my friend,” said the man in red, turning back to Peter and offering his hand, “My name is Wade. Wade Wilson. I’m a _huge_ fan of yours. Seriously. It’s an honor, Spidey. Can I call you Spidey?”

“...yes?” said Peter, cautiously accepting the handshake.

“You’ll have to excuse my friend here,” said Wade, nodding to Weasel, “He can be a real piece of shit sometimes. Can’t you, Weasel?”

“...yeah,” sighed Weasel, massaging his head, “Yeah, I can be a real piece of shit sometimes.”

“Who…? What…?” began Peter, not knowing what question to ask first, “How do you two know each other?”

“Doesn’t matter,” said Wade dismissively, “Just think of him as like… My shitty Micro.”

“So are you… a vigilante?” asked Peter.

“Yeah, something like that,” said Wade quickly, “Hey, do you think we could go on patrol together sometime?”

“Fine,” said Peter, “but since you’ve seen my face, I’d be a lot more comfortable if you’d show me yours.”

“Oh, you do NOT want to see that,” scoffed Weasel.

“Shut up!” snapped Wade before turning back to Peter, “He’s right though. It’s not a pleasant sight. More burns and scars than actual facial features.”

“Oh,” said Peter, starting to feel less threatened, “Sorry, I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.”

“You are so considerate,” said Wade earnestly, “It’s part of why I- Um… It’s what makes you such a good hero.”

“...thanks?” said Peter hesitantly.

“Looking forward to our patrol together!” waved Wade, pushing a button on his harness, “It was an honor to meet you, Spidey!”

Wade disappeared in another red flash, leaving Weasel and Peter once again facing each other in their dorm, Spider-Man mask still clutched in Weasel’s hand. Neither of them knew quite what to do once Wade had left.

“So…” said Peter after a moment, “You going to give me my mask back, or…?”

***

“Who’d you say this guy was again?” asked Jessica over the phone.

“Wade Wilson,” answered Spider-Man.

Peter had recently found a way to thread his earphones through his suit and safely strap his phone to his body, allowing him to make phone calls while swinging around the city as Spider-Man. It was pretty convenient at times.

“That’s what I thought,” said Jessica, “If he’s telling the truth… Wow.”

“What is it?”

“Wade Wilson is a mercenary with a pretty high body count, Peter,” said Jessica, “It didn’t take long for me to find information. He’s not exactly subtle.”

“A mercenary?” asked Spider-Man in disbelief, “That can’t be right. He said he wanted to go on patrol with me. He must be a vigilante or something.”

“He was part of some sort of military program,” explained Jessica, “As far as I can tell he’s the only survivor from it. I guess that’s why they call him Deadpool.”

“Deadpool?”

“The program was so risky the participants would apparently bet on who would live and who would die,” explained Jessica, “By being the only survivor, Wade won the dead pool.”

“That’s messed up,” said Spider-Man, “Was this a S.H.I.E.L.D. program?”

“Actually it was Canadian.”

“Huh. Go figure,” said Spider-Man, “Is he a super? It seemed like he teleported into my dorm.”

“It’s not clear,” said Jessica, “but here’s something strange: he’s been reported KIA over a dozen times.”

“A dozen!?”

“I’ve got a bad feeling about this guy, Peter,” said Jessica.

Spider-Man noticed something odd. He was swinging from the taller buildings, giving him a look at the roofs of the shorter ones. On one of those roofs was what appeared to be someone holding a sign. A second glance revealed it to be Wade; his sign read “Hi Spidey!” Spider-Man sighed.

“Wade,” greeted Spider-Man as he leapt down next to him, “You wanted to see me?”

“Well I was just wondering,” said Wade, “Since you mentioned wanting to patrol together…”

“You’re the one who said that, Wade.”

“Let’s not get bogged down with details,” siad Wade, “Someone who looks sexy in red spandex said it.”

“What?” said Spider-Man

“What?” replied Wade nervously.

“Wade,” said Spider-Man, “I know about you being a mercenary.”

“Yeah, so?”

“So this isn’t a merc’s job,” said Spider-Man, “I don’t kill people, I save them.”

“I can do that too!” asserted Wade cheerfully, “I can save all kinds of people!”

“It’s not-” began Spider-Man in exasperation, before sighing, “Fine, but you do as I say, okay? No killing.”

“No killing,” nodded Wade, “Got it. And for the record, I’ve only killed bad people.”

“Why do killers always think that’s going to make me feel better?”

Wade shrugged.

“Fine,” said Spider-Man, “Do you have a way of keeping up with me while I swing?”

“Sure do!” said Wade, “This harness I’m wearing is a short range teleportation device. I’ll just poof from roof to roof as you swing by.”

“If that works for you,” said Spider-Man, webbing a building in preparation of swinging away, “Let’s go.”

“Woohoo!”

***

Spider-Man fired two webs through the doorway, latching onto the man and woman in the burning room before yanking them out just before the flaming roof over their heads collapsed. The entire building was getting weaker as the fire grew.

Wade appeared in a flash or red light beside Spider-Man. The two terrified survivors clinging to Spider-Man cried out in surprise. Spider-Man placed a reassuring hand on either of their shoulders and led them over to Wade.

“Get them out of here,” ordered Spider-Man.

“What about you?” asked Wade.

“I still have to check the first floor,” said Spider-Man, running off, “There might be some people down there too.”

Wade nodded and teleported away with the survivors. Spider-Man leapt down a hole in the ground, landing among the smoke and flames on the first floor. His spider-sense rang, tipping him to leap away as part of the flaming ceiling crashed down next to him.

 _I don’t have a lot of time before this place comes down,_ thought Spider-Man, _I’ve got work fast._

Spider-Man sprinted through the hallways and rooms of the burning apartment complex, checking every room possible for survivors. He shouted for them and listened for a response. He eventually heard a woman behind one of the doors. A burning piece of ceiling lay in front of it, so Spider-Man used his webbing to throw it out of the way before busting through the door.

“Spider-Man!” cried a middle aged woman cowering in the corner, “Help me!”

Spider-Man sprinted up to her, lifted her in his arms, and leapt out of the room. Back in the hallways, Spider-Man carried her through the quickly collapsing building. Soon the front door was within sight. Spider-Man’s spider sense was going haywire. The building was going to come down any second.

Spider-Man put as much of his energy into sprinting as he could, but he knew he wasn’t fast enough. As the front door became closer and closer, Spider-Man heard the crunching sound of the last supports failing as flaming wreckage buried everything around him. 

Spider-Man had just gotten close enough to the door to see Wade waiting for him on the other side. The moment Wade heard the crash he acted. He had seen Spider-Man too, so he teleported into the building beside him and the woman and teleported them out within milliseconds of the complete collapse, saving them.

“Thank you,” sobbed the woman as Spider-Man gently set her down, “Thank you both…”

Paramedics arrived and guided the woman to where they could give her a quick check and see if she needed further medical attention. Spider-Man and Wade looked on at the survivors proudly. They had saved all of them.

“Good work in there, Wade,” said Spider-Man.

“Oh, no, I…” stammered Wade, “No, really… It was… I mean… You were pretty cool too!”

 _What’s with this guy?_ thought Peter, _He’s killed dozens of people, but he gets all flustered whenever I say something nice to him…_

“HEY!” shouted a random man walking by, “Get the hell out of our city!”

“Excuse me!?” asked Wade angrily.

“Not you!” shouted the man, “Spider-Man! That menace is always trying to use tragedies like this to boost his-”

Before the man could finish his sentence, Wade had teleported directly in front of him. Wade immediately grabbed the man around the throat with one hand and shoved a pistol deep into the man’s mouth with another, pulling back the safety.

“DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHO YOU’RE TALKING TO!?!” screamed Wade, “THAT’S SPIDER-MAN!!! HE JUST SAVED LIVES! NOW YOU’RE GOING TO APOLOGIZE OR ELSE I’LL-”

“Wade!” cried out Spider-Man, “Stop! Jesus!”

“What?” asked Wade innocently, looking over at Spider-Man but not letting up on the man at all.

“Let go of him!” ordered Spider-Man, “Put the gun away!”

“Why?”

“WADE!”

“Fine.”

Wade removed the gun and holstered it, releasing the man in the process. The man stumbled back, trembling and whimpering before running away in fear.

“Yeah, you better run!” shouted Wade.

“WADE!”

“What?”

“Follow me,” said Spider-Man irritably as he fired a web onto a building, “We need to talk in private.”

They made their way to the roof of a building, where Spider-Man began his lecture.

“Wade, you really, _really_ can’t do that,” he said.

“You sound like my parole officer.”

“Wade!”

“Come on, Spidey!” said Wade angrily, “That guy was disrespecting you! After we saved everyone from that fire!”

“It doesn’t matter,” said Spider-Man, “He wasn’t hurting anybody and you stuck a gun in his face!”

“Yeah,” said Wade, “and because of that I bet he’ll never harass you again!”

“Right, but now he’s probably traumatized!

“Eh. Who isn’t these days?”

“WADE!”

“Alright, fine!” conceded Wade, “Maybe I went too far, but you know something? I’m sick of people dragging your name through the mud while you save their lives day after day! And you should be too! You deserve their respect!”

“I don’t do this for respect,” said Spider-Man, “I do this because it’s my responsibility.”

“...you really mean that,” said Wade after a moment, “don’t you?”

“Look out!” cried Spider-Man as his spider sense yelled out to him.

Spider-Man grabbed Wade and pulled him away just as a high speed projectile flew past them from above and embedded itself in the roof. Spider-Man’s spider sense went off again, but he wasn’t able to move fast enough. The projectile was a canister and was already releasing a white gas.

 _Oh no…_ were Spider-Man’s last thoughts as he drifted into unconsciousness.

***

“What the…” mumbled Spider-Man as he slowly woke up, “Who…?”

Spider-Man immediately noted that there was a tight collar around his neck. He was lying on the ground of a strange room. The walls were painted bright white and pink with golden flashing lights flashing. Spider-Man could hear voices and movements. There were others here, but he couldn’t see on account of the harsh lights shining directly at him.

“About time you woke up,” muttered Wade.

Wade was sitting beside Spider-Man, a collar around his neck as well. Both were still in their full costumes, so Spider-Man assumed his identity was safe. Where was he though?

“Welcome!” announced a loud voice, “Welcome all to _The Screwball Super Show_!”

“You’ve got to be kidding me,” muttered Spider-Man.

The unseen crowd erupted into cheers as a trapeze descended from above, ridden by a lanky woman in a white and pink spandex suit and dyed pink hair to match. She was hanging from the trapeze by her legs. She swung forward, did a backflip, and landed on her feet to more applause. It was her, alright: Screwball.

“Thank you all for watching,” she continued, “and I’m saying that to everyone watching the stream AND my live studio audience!”

The crowd cheered again. Spider-Man was beginning to see the outlines of their bodies now. They were real. A few dozen of them sat in the audience seating, excitedly cheering for Screwball.

“This is crazy,” said Spider-Man, “even by your standards.”

Screwball pulled out a small remote and pressed a button.

Spider-Man screamed out in pain as he felt electricity surge into his neck and through his body, causing uncontrollable convulsions. Memories of Black Cat* and Fisk** came flooding back. His head felt warm. He couldn’t tell what he was looking at. He couldn’t tell where he was. All he knew was that he was scared. He was so scared.

*From [Jessica Jones & Spider-Man: Crossed Your Path](https://archiveofourown.org/works/20910803)

**From [Jessica Jones & Spider-Man: Break You](https://archiveofourown.org/works/21579316)

“Whoa,” said someone, “What’s your deal, dude?”

“Spidey!” shouted someone else, “Spidey! Are you alright?”

Spidey… Spider-Man. He was Spider-Man. He was out on patrol earlier today with that mercenary, Wade Wilson…

“Spidey!” shouted the voice, “Jesus Christ, lady! What did you do to him!?”

That was him. That was Wade. Spider-Man remembered where he was now. He remembered what was happening. His head still felt warm and he still couldn’t quite control his motor functions, but at least he was back in reality.

“Now that was an interesting reaction!” smiled Screwball, “That’s going to make this first game very interesting.”

“Game?” asked Spider-Man, slowly getting back to his knees.

“That’s right!” exclaimed Screwball, “Our first game is…”

The recorded sound of a drumroll played while Screwball dramatically paused.

“...High Voltage Trivia!”

The audience cheered again. Spider-Man and Wade looked at each other. Neither was sure what was about to happen.

“I have prepared questions for each of you,” said Screwball, turning and walking to them, “For Spider-Man, I have prepared questions about Deadpool. For Deadpool, I have prepared questions about Spider-Man. Every time you get a question wrong, you will receive a penalty shock from your collars.”

Wade looked over at Spider-Man. Wade couldn’t see Spider-Man’s face beneath the mask, but he could tell how scared he was. That shock had done something to him, something more than it was supposed to. Wade couldn’t let that happen again. He didn’t know how much more Spider-Man could take.

“I volunteer to trade shocks with Spider-Man!” announced Wade.

“Wade…” said Spider-Man quietly.

“For every question he gets wrong,” said Wade, “I volunteer to take the shock instead.”

The audience let out an “ooh.”

“Interesting,” grinned Screwball, “I like it! Very dramatic. Of course that means Spider-Man will get shocked for every question you get wrong, Deadpool.”

Wade was fine with that. He was extremely confident in his knowledge of Spider-Man. So long as Screwball didn’t play dirty, Wade could keep Spider-Man from getting shocked for the whole round. He stood up, offered Spider-Man a hand, and helped him to his feet.

“First question,” began Screwball, “For Deadpool: What major newspaper first published an article on Spider-Man?”

“The Daily Bugle,” answered Wade immediately.

There was a loud dinging.

“Correct!” cheered Screwball, “The next question is for Spider-Man: What is Deadpool’s superpower?”

“Teleportation,” said Spider-Man.

A loud horn went off.

“ARGH!” cried out Wade, clutching at his collar as the electric buzzing rang out.

“What!?” cried Spider-Man, “But he _does_ teleport! I saw it!”

“That was my harness,” muttered Wade, “Screwpooch over here took it away from me while I was unconscious. Otherwise we’d be out of here already.”

“Sorry, Wade…” apologized Spider-Man.

“Don’t worry about it,” said Wade, “It’s an easy mistake.”

Spider-Man frowned under his mask. He still felt bad. That being said, he needed to focus on the issue at hand: escaping. He looked around the studio but couldn’t see anything helpful from his position.

“Next question!” shouted Screwball.

And so it continued. Wade got every question about Spider-Man correct, while Spider-Man got every question about Wade wrong. Wade took the shocks every time, even holding in the cries of pain to avoid guilting Spider-Man. Spider-Man was still mortified at how much better Wade knew him than he knew Wade. Especially since Wade was taking all this punishment for him. Why would he do that?

“Alright!” yelled Screwball after the questions were done, “That’s the end of that round! Let’s see how you fare in the next one.”

***

“I don’t like the look of this,” said Spider-Man.

His ankles and wrists were each bound together by large, dark metal cuffs that covered their entire hands and feet. He also still had the shock collar firmly clasped around his neck.

He was on a raised platform at one end of a large studio. An obstacle course consisting of climbing walls, pull up bars, long jumps, and more ran the length of the studio. At the beginning of the obstacle course was Wade, also still wearing his shock collar.

Screwball leapt off of a trapeze and onto the platform with Spider-Man, where she bowed for her adoring crowd. She raised her hand and grasped a microphone as it was lowered in on a cable.

“Welcome back, Scrubes!” she announced, “This is Round 2! Deadpool must run the length of the obstacle course before the timer runs out, otherwise…”

Screwball took the cable that had lowered in the microphone. She raised it up to show off the hook at the end. She then pulled back the waistband of Spider-Man’s spandex pants and hooked the cable to the waistband of his white compression shorts.

“...it’s wedgie time!”

The audience burst into laughter. Wade gasped in fear.

“Deadpool,” said Screwball, “You have five minutes!”

“Don’t worry, Spidey!” shouted Wade, “I’ve seen, like, every episode of _Ninja Warrior_! I’ve got this!”

“Oh god…” whispered Spider-Man.

The timer began. Wade bolted over all of the hurdles at the front of the course, moving right onto the small climbing wall. He made it up a climbing rope and made a running leap across a gap, barely making it. 

Spider-Man looked at the timer. 3 minutes left. Wade could do this! He was already through more than half the course!

Then Spider-Man’s heart stopped as he saw Wade stumble right over a ledge at the long swinging rope. Spider-Man was sure they were done for until he saw that the rope was still shifting. Then he saw Wade climbing his way up, having caught himself on the rope toward the bottom.

Spider-Man looked at the timer. They had lost their gain, but if Wade pushed himself he could pull this off!

Wade made his way to the pull up bars, where he effortlessly swung from bar to bar and made his way to the far end, where he began to ascend the climbing wall. 

Spider-Man looked at the timer. It was going to be close, but it looked like Wade was going to make it!

Wade began to sprint the final length before the button at the end of the course. Spider-Man watched with anxious excitement as he waited for Wade to triumphantly leap over the final long jump pit and slam the button just in time! Only Wade didn’t realize there was a final pit and he fell right into it.

Spider-Man’s heart sank as he saw Wade hit the water below the course and watched the final couple of seconds tick away on the timer. A loud alarm bell signalled the end. Spider-Man swallowed nervously. The raised platform he was standing on was abruptly pulled down to the ground. Spider-Man had about a second of free fall before he was completely caught by his underwear cutting into him with the force of his full body weight.

Unable to even move his limbs much, on account of the cuffs, Spider-Man was just left to writhe in the air as he dangled there from the wedgie, crying out in a high pitched squeal of pain. Wade winced at the sight, while Screwball and the audience all pointed and laughed.

“I…” said Wade, “...am so, so sorry.”

“Unnnggghhhhh….” moaned Spider-Man in pain.

“Oh!” realized Wade cheerfully, “Spidey! Are those Actionwear compression shorts? I wear those too! They’re great for spandex suits, right?”

“Most of the time,” squeaked Spider-Man, earning more laughter from the audience.

Screwball stood atop a platform in the back, microphone in hand.

“Now that’s what I call a wedgie!” she laughed, “How are you feeling there, Spidey?”

“Please let me down!” squealed Spider-Man. 

More laughter.

“Yes,” said Screwball, “We’ll be letting you down momentarily. Don’t be such a wuss about it. It’s pitiful.”

No one could see, but Peter was bright red with embarrassment under his mask.

“SHUT UP!!!” screamed Wade to Screwball, suddenly furious.

The room went silent. Everyone stared at Wade, even Spider-Man. Then Screwball clicked her remote. Wade cried out in pain as his collar pumped electricity into his neck, causing him to seize up and fall to his knees.

“Let’s move on to the main event!” announced Screwball with quiet confidence, “the unmasking!”

***

Spider-Man and Wade both sat on their knees, arms bound tightly behind them in steel cuffs. They both still wore their collars as well. Spider-Man was terrified. This would be it. Once she unmasked him on the stream, his face would be everywhere. The world would know Spider-Man was Peter Parker in a matter of minutes. 

“Let’s begin, shall we?” teased Screwball as she walked up to the two of them, cameras pointed directly at them.

“Let’s start with Spider-Man!”

“NO!” cried Wade, only to be shocked again by Screwball.

“You’ll get your turn,” she smirked, “don’t worry!”

Screwball walked over to Spider-Man to do the deed. Wade let out a scream of pain as he ripped his hands out of his cuffs, tearing apart the flesh of his hands and breaking his thumbs but freeing his arms. Screwball gasped and leapt back in fear, fumbling for her remote and tapping the button as fast and hard as she could over and over.

Wade fell to the ground screaming as the crackling of the shock was heard across the room. The audience was tense, having picked up on Screwball’s fear. Finally, the crackling stopped and Wade fell to the ground. Screwball let out a sigh of relief.

“If you’re so insistent,” said Screwball, attempting to regain her composure, “I’m happy to do you first!”

She pulled Wade back up to his knees and pulled his mask away. The audience gasped. Wade’s face had been horrifically damaged somehow. The skin was twisted and melted around, coated in scars and burns. He had no hair, only an equally ravaged scalp. His ears and lips were all but gone. His sad grey eyes looked up at the crowd as they began to laugh and ridicule him.

“He’s a freak!”

“Look at him!”

“Is he one of those mutants?”

Wade bit what was left of his lip and looked away. None of it was anything he hadn’t heard before. He had come to terms with his appearance a long time ago, but moments like this were still hard.

“SHUT UP!!!” screamed Spider-Man.

“Excuse me?” chuckled Screwball.

Spider-Man had had enough of this. Wade had volunteered to take so much punishment for him, even when some of the punishment was Spider-Man’s fault. The fight he put into stopping Spider-Man from being unmasked was unbelievable. It hurt Spider-Man to see him punished in this way for it.

“I SAID SHUT UP!!!” he screamed, “NONE OF YOU KNOW THE FIRST THING ABOUT BEAUTY!!!”

No one could see it, but Spider-Man had blushed a dark red under his mask the moment the words came out of his mouth.

“...beauty?” asked Wade quietly, confounded.

“That’s enough of this,” said Screwball, walking over to Spider-Man, “It’s your turn, Friendly Neighborhood.”

The moment Screwball had turned away from Wade he made his move. The audience tried to cry out to alert Screwball, but Wade pulled the remote from her hand before she could respond. He then delivered a sidekick straight to Screwball’s abdomen, propelling her several feet away and knocking her out.

Wade fumbled with the remote with his partially mutilated hands. They were slowly growing back thanks to Wade’s regeneration factor. Wade found the buttons to release their collars and Spider-Man’s handcuffs.

“Wade…” began Spider-Man as he stood up.

“Maybe…” said Wade, gesturing to the camera, “...let’s do this somewhere else.”

***

A red flash brought Wade and Spider-Man into Peter’s college dorm, where they both let out a sigh of relief. Peter took off his mask and collapsed onto his bed, exhausted.

Wade had gathered his equipment and Spider-Man had alerted the authorities of Screwball’s bizarre studio. When they arrived, Wade and Spider-Man were gone. They found Screwball screaming as she dangled from the cable by the back of her purple boyshorts, courtesy of Wade.

“So…” began Wade, “Spidey… I… Um...”

“Do you want a blowjob?”

“WHAT!?!” cried Wade in disbelief.

Wade froze, clutched his chest, and fell over. Soon his healing factor restored his heart and he leapt back to his feet, gasping for air.

“You can’t do that to me,” panted Wade, “You can’t joke about that. My heart heals quickly but it still hurts when it stops.”

“It wasn’t a joke,” said Peter, “I’m serious. You saved me, Wade. So do you _want_ the blowjob or-”

“WHAT!?!” 

Wade froze, clutched his chest, and fell over.

“Wade!” yelled Peter impatiently.

“...sorry!” gasped Wade as he sat back up, “You’re sure though? You want to?”

“Yes.”

“Like, not out of pity or anything. _You_ want to do it?”

“Yes!”

It took some further convincing, but soon Wade believed Peter’s affections. Wade sat on the side of Peter’s bed as Peter slowly rolled his spandex pants down his legs. Wade’s legs were scarred in the same way as his face. Peter couldn’t imagine what had happened to cause that. Peter removed Wade’s boots and pulled the pants off as he knelt between Wade’s legs.

Next Peter pulled down Wade’s compression shorts. Wade was practically hyperventilating at this point, staring at Peter with bewildered intensity. Peter smiled when he saw that Wade was already fully erect. The heady smells of sex hit him, and he bit his lip with anticipation, looking up at Wade with bright eyes. 

“Can you do me a favor?” asked Peter.

“Anything!” Wade gasped.

“Take your mask off?”

“...why?”

“I want to see your face,” said Peter, “I’d like to be able to look up at you.”

Wade sheepishly pulled off his mask, looking down uncertainly at Peter. Peter smiled back. Wade offered a small smile as well. This was all still very hard for him to believe - just the image of his dick anywhere NEAR Spider-Man’s absurdly pretty face was like a fever dream even he would call crazy - but a second later it became very real when Peter began to suck. 

Wade let out a completely involuntary cry of pleasure and shock, biting the back of his hand as he watched Peter’s sink down suddenly and skillfully on his cock. 

Peter hummed with satisfaction at the feeling of it in his mouth. Wade wasn’t as big as Thor, but he was thick and a little longer than most, and it was a wonderfully full feeling for Peter as he began to apply a little suction and slowly bob his head. He liked the feeling of the soft skin and hard muscle, the strong but pleasant smell, the two-way control and adoration of it all. He tongued gently at the soft scar tissue that mottled parts of Wade’s cock, testing for sensitive spots and monitoring the reactions like any good scientist would, closing his eyes to listen to the muffled cries and whimpers coming from above him. He looked up to see Wade staring down at him with his pale grey eyes wide and disbelieving, his mouth parted like the wind had been knocked out of him. Peter couldn’t help but smile at him, his eyes doing most of the work for the smile with his mouth full. As ugly as Wade thought he was, Peter thought he was looking positively adorable in that moment. He could feel himself getting hard from the sheer need radiating from the older man. 

“W-wow-- This really isn’t-- y-your first rodeo, huh?” Wade stammered, his hands fisted in Peter’s bedsheets. 

Peter let out a little laugh at the back of his throat, and then responded by dipping down as far as he could. He hollowed out his cheeks on the way back up while working the underside of Wade’s cock with his tongue until he lifted his mouth off of it with a wet _pop_. He was rewarded for his effort with a beautiful, helpless, and loud moan from Wade, who sounded as though he was trying not to finish then and there. Wade clamped his hand over his mouth, blushing at having lost control over his voice again. 

Peter took pity on him, having too much fun to end things so soon, and took Wade’s cock in one hand, lazily stroking it while laying his cheek on one of Wade’s legs to look up at him with a warm, relaxed smile. 

Wade marvelled at the sight. The flush on Peter’s face and the genuine joy in his eyes made him look terribly innocent, despite the fact that Wade had received blowjobs from _supervillains_ that were less innocent. 

“So far, so good, Wade?” Peter asked, his lips wet and shining with saliva and pre-cum, and curling into a devious little smirk. Wade’s heart threatened to stop again. 

Wade swallowed and nodded vigorously, words for once utterly failing him.  
Peter squeezed a little harder on his cock, forcing out a high whine from Wade that made Peter feel like he had discovered a new superpower altogether. 

“Y-You’re amazing, Spidey,” Wade managed. 

“You can call me Peter,” 

“You’re incredible, Pet--ahHH!” his words were cut off by a moan as Peter began to run his tongue up the side of his cock in a very friendly neighborhood-sort of way. 

“I really like the sounds you make, Wade. If I’m good, will you make more of them?” Peter teased with the kind of mock-innocent confidence that came from someone treating him like a Spidery sex god. He felt warm deep in his chest. He felt safe. 

“A-Anything for you, Peter-- I--” Wade keened, and whatever witty quip he had prepared was soon banished from his mind once Peter once again began sucking in earnest, seemingly determined to absolutely destroy Wade’s mind with his beautiful perfect mouth. And Wade was perfectly happy to let him. With Peter’s permission, he allowed himself to make any and all noises that wanted to come out of his mouth as he began to tense more and more with the approach of his orgasm. 

Peter closed his eyes while he worked now, concentrating on keeping a steady pace, listening to the lovely sounds Wade was making. Wade let out a desperate sob as Peter began to gently play with and tug at Wade’s balls. It didn’t take much longer for Peter to feel Wade trembling above him. Peter opened his eyes and stared up at Wade while he sucked hard. Wade met his eyes, and he was done for. He cried out loud and long as his body shook with orgasm and overloaded every one of his senses, his face contorting in pleasure and tears escaping down his cheeks. Peter sucked him through it, proudly watching the show he had earned until Wade was softening in his mouth and whimpering weakly, and Peter finally would either have to spit out or swallow the frankly absurd amount of cum now in his mouth. He elected to discreetly spit it out in the wastebasket next to his bed, seeing as Wade was now apparently in a fugue state and unlikely to mind either way. Besides, he didn’t want to stain his costume by failing to swallow and then coughing it up. It was hard enough washing his costume in the dorm laundry room as it was.

Wade completely collapsed back onto the bed, his whole body having tensed and released harder than he had ever experienced before. His mind, normally full of chatter and criticism and worry, was blessedly, beautifully blank. 

Peter wiped his mouth and threw back a bit of bottled water, smiling at a job well done. He climbed into the bed with Wade and laid beside him, resting his arm on top of him. Wade breathed and squeezed Peter’s hand. Peter squeezed back. Wade smiled. He could stay like this forever. Peter was happy to have the rest and comfort too. After a few minutes, Peter was asleep on Wade’s chest, and Wade felt like his heart would burst. 

About an hour later, they heard the click of the door lock followed by Weasel’s screams. 

“What the-!?!” he cried, “Wade, what are you- Wha- I-”

Wade was still not wearing any pants or underwear.

“Weasel?!” Peter awoke, flailing about in a flustered groggy frenzy that nearly had him falling off the bed. 

“WEASEL!!!” screamed Wade, “GET THE FUCK OUT, YOU COCKBLOCKING FUCK!!!”

“Okay, okay!” yelled Weasel as he ran back out.

The door clicked shut as Wade lay back and let out a long groan.

“Christ!” he cursed, “We’re one of the most popular ships on the internet, you’d think we’d get a little respect!”

**Author's Note:**

> My partner Zenith wrote the blow job scene, since BJs aren't really my thing


End file.
